«Покупать кондомы мы стеснялись, поэтому скоро пришли за тестом на беременность»

{"article":{"error":null,"payload":{"id":60,"slug":"pokupat_kondomy_my_stesnyalis_poetomu_skoro","title":"«Покупать кондомы мы стеснялись, поэтому скоро пришли за тестом на беременность»","description":"10 реальных историй о неловких покупках презервативов","href":"/news/pokupat_kondomy_my_stesnyalis_poetomu_skoro/","published":{"display":"26 декабря 2018","rfc3339":"2018-12-26T16:25:49+00:00"},"image":{"isTouch":{"retina":"https://vseapteki.ru/cropping/thumbnails/250/55/phoneMedium_retina/","default":"https://vseapteki.ru/cropping/thumbnails/250/55/phoneMedium_default/"},"isFromTablet":{"retina":null,"default":null}},"modified":{"display":"13 января 2020, 13:32:10","rfc3339":"2020-01-13T13:32:10.820953+00:00"},"content":"\u003cp class=\"article-picture\" data-name=\"contentimage\" data-id=\"72\"\u003e\u003cimg src=\"https://vseapteki.ru/cropping/thumbnails/253/72/phoneMedium_retina/\" title=\"\"\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eКупить презервативы в аптеке – задача не для стеснительных. \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eМы расспросили друзей, знакомых и коллег и выбрали самые забавные истории о провалах и неловких ситуациях при покупке «резинового изделия No2». \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eВ конце бонус: пошаговая инструкция для тех, кто сгорает от стыда в очереди за кондомами.\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eИстория о зубной пасте\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e«В самом начале пути я стеснялся и всегда покупал презервативы только с чем-нибудь – например, с \u003ca href=\"https://vseapteki.ru/search/?query=%D0%B7%D1%83%D0%B1%D0%BD%D0%B0%D1%8F%20%D0%BF%D0%B0%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B0\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eзубной пастой\u003c/a\u003e. Однажды я простудился и пришел за лекарствами от простуды, а через неделю вернулся – и попросил две пачки презервативов по 12 штук (оптом было дешевле). Продавщица узнала меня и с радушной улыбкой уточнила: «А я смотрю, ты уже выздоровел, да?»\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eИстория о заброшке\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e«Покупали презервативы с другом – чтобы наливать в них воду и бросаться ими на заброшенной стройке. Было нам лет 14–15: и однажды пришли мы в аптеку, а там старенькая такая бабуся. И мы говорим продавцу: «Нам презервативы!» А потом я говорю другу: «Ну все, пошли на заброшку!» Бабуся смотрела долго смотрела нам вслед, и в глазах ее читалось столько эмоций, что словами не передать».\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eИстория о немецком языке\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e«Когда учился на втором курсе – ездил в Германию. И, как нормальный пацан, решил привезти другу сувенир. Но не магнитик, а истинно местные презервативы. И вот стою я в местной \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cspan lang=\"DE\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eA\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003epotheke и изрекаю примерно следующее: \"Гутен морген. Ищь вилль дойче кондомс\". Эмоциональный отклик продавщицы был такой, будто я ей анекдот про Наташу Ростову рассказал – рассмеялась. Я попробовал сказать иначе, с предлогами. Получилось что-то типа «я имею немцев в кондомах». Подтянулись другие продавцы: послушали, сжалились, принесли \u003ca href=\"https://vseapteki.ru/search/?query=%D0%B4%D1%8E%D1%80%D0%B5%D0%BA%D1%81\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eпачку «Дюрекса»\u003c/a\u003e. Но я решил идти до конца и сказал с искушенным лицом: «Найн, ищь вилль дойче сувенир». Что дальше было – словами не описать. Вывалили на прилавок весь ассортимент, стали копаться искать немецкие – с большим трудом нашли одну пачку (возможно, продавщица ее из своей сумки достала). И вот, значит, вернулся я, подарил сувенир другу. А тот – за отсутствием личной жизни – вскоре выменял ОДИН немецкий презерватив на целую туристическую палатку. А двумя другими какую-то туристку подманил».\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eИстория о джентльменском наборе\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e«В 2000-м году я был вожатым в лагере, ну и с девушкой-вожатой мы спали честно – всегда предохранялись. В пересменок не встречались. А когда заехали вожатыми на вторую смену, она сообщила о задержке. Ну, я и пошел в аптеку. И говорю там: «Мне \u003ca href=\"https://vseapteki.ru/search/?query=%D1%82%D0%B5%D1%81%D1%82%20%D0%BD%D0%B0%20%D0%B1%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B5%D0%BC%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eтест на беременность\u003c/a\u003e, \u003ca href=\"https://vseapteki.ru/search/?query=%D0%92%D0%B0%D0%BB%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B8%D0%B0%D0%BD%D1%8B&original=1\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eвалерьянку\u003c/a\u003e..., – и добавляю уже по привычке. – И пачку презервативов!» Такой вышел джентльменский набор».\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eИстория о примусе\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e«Когда-то я был очень юным и в аптеке стеснялся сказать слово «презерватив». Вместо него я просил «изделие номер два». На что аптекарша строго посмотрела на меня и сказала: «А вот когда будешь знать, как это называется, тогда и продам!» Было мне 14, и презервативы я просил для примуса».\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eИстория о детских игрушках\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e«Не так давно известный бренд презервативов сделал упаковку с веселыми резиновыми игрушками. В аптеке я видела отчаянно ревущего у прилавка малыша. Он так хотел эти игрушки (а мама по понятным причинам отказалась их покупать), что его, бедного, из аптеки выводили силой».\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eИстория об аскорбинке\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e«Как-то раз подруга позвала меня помочь ей купить презервативы. Нам было по 19, и природная стеснительность победила: из аптеки мы ушли без презервативов, но зато с \u003ca href=\"https://vseapteki.ru/search/?query=%D1%86%D0%B8%D1%82%D1%80%D0%B0%D0%BC%D0%BE%D0%BD\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eцитрамоном\u003c/a\u003e и \u003ca href=\"https://vseapteki.ru/search/?query=%D0%94%D0%BE%D0%B1%D1%80%D1%8B%D0%B5%20%D1%82%D1%80%D0%B0%D0%B4%D0%B8%D1%86%D0%B8%D0%B8%20%D0%B0%D1%81%D0%BA%D0%BE%D1%80%D0%B1%D0%B8%D0%BD%D0%BA%D0%B0&original=1\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eаскорбинкой\u003c/a\u003e. Зато, спустя примерно месяц, мы перебороли себя, приобретая там же тест на беременность!»\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eИстория об экономии\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e«Дело было в начале нулевых, когда я только-только поступил в универ, отрезал родительскую пуповину и переехал в университетскую общагу в другом городе. Тогда же и настала нужда впервые обзавестись презервативом.\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eВ аптечной очереди я успел 10 раз передумать, но потом все же решил стоять до конца. «Пачку презервативов, пожалуйста!» – я готов был просто отдать деньги и быстрее ретироваться. Но неожиданный вопрос аптекарши прозвучал словно приговор: «Вам каких?» «Вот этих», – я чудом вспомнил название. «Большой?» «Конечно большой!» – не без гордости заявил я. «В большом 12 штук, и он стоит 400 рублей!» – убила аптекарша.\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eСтало понятно, что «большой» – это совсем не то, что я имел в виду: это пачка, а не размер сами знаете чего. И теперь «большой» обходился мне в месяц экономии на студенческих обедах. Я решил позорно отступить: «Знаете, мне бы все-таки поменьше». \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eПродавщица фыркнула и с нескрываемой усталостью достала маленькую пачку презервативов, поставив точку в моем квесте».\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eИстория о причинно-следственной связи\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e«А вот у меня нет забавных историй про покупку презервативов! У меня трое детей. И есть подозрение, что эти два факта как-то связаны...»\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eИстория об Электронике\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e«Давным-давно в аптеках были старые советские презервативы. Один из пацанов спер пачку таких у родителей и показывал всему двору: вот, мол, она какая – настоящая половая жизнь. Презервативы эти почему-то были упакованы не в квадратные конвертики, как предназначено самой природой, а в продолговатые – как в жвачке пластинками. И была еще загадочная надпись «Проверено электроникой», которую во дворе сразу же переделали в «Проверено Электроником».\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eИнструкция о том, что делать, если вы стесняетесь покупать презерватив:\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\r\n\t\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eИзучите ассортимент заранее, чтобы быть готовым к допвопросам: бренды, количество, размер\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\r\n\t\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eПокупайте презервативы вместе с другими аптечными препаратами. Называйте их в середине списка\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\r\n\t\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eНе мямлите! Говорите уверенно!\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\r\n\t\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003eЕсли с годами стыд не проходит, попробуйте \u003ca href=\"https://vseapteki.ru/search/?query=%D0%BF%D1%80%D0%B5%D0%B7%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B2%D0%B0%D1%82%D0%B8%D0%B2\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eзаказывать презервативы на дом\u003c/a\u003e через интернет. \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\r\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eЧитайте также: \u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://vseapteki.ru/news/prezervativ_i_antiseptik_blagodarya_chemu/\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eПрезерватив и антисептик. Благодаря чему, мужчины стали жить дольше\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://vseapteki.ru/news/kak_pomoch_muzhu_v_nelovkoy_situatsii/\" target=\"_blank\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eКак помочь мужу в неловкой ситуации\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://vseapteki.ru/news/glavnye_preparaty_dlya_muzhskogo_zdorovya/\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eГлавные препараты для мужского здоровья\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/p\u003e"},"status":{"isError":false,"isInit":false,"isPending":false,"isSuccess":true,"isServer":true}},"basket":{"error":null,"payload":{"empty":true,"hasUnavailable":false,"products":[],"recentlyAdded":[],"info":{"countPharmacy":0,"deliveryTime":"","prescription":false,"checkout":false,"price":{"subtotal":"0","total":"0"},"quantity":{"position":0,"pack":0}},"delivery":{"method_of_obtaining":"PICKUP","address":null,"latitude":null,"longitude":null,"cost":null,"service_fee":null,"time":null,"store_id":null,"store_name":null,"chain_id":null,"checkout_url":null,"is_available":false,"prices":[],"token":null,"refresh_token":null,"secret":null,"cart_id":null,"discount_code":null}},"status":{"isError":false,"isInit":false,"isPending":false,"isSuccess":true,"isServer":true}},"basketEvents":{"eventsByProducts":{},"lastAddedProducts":null,"lastRemovedProducts":null},"catalogCategoryProducts":{"error":null,"status":{"isError":false,"isInit":true,"isPending":false,"isSuccess":false,"isServer":false}},"catalogCurrentCategory":null,"catalogStructure":{"error":null,"payload":{"39":{"id":39,"title":"Лекарства","url":"/catalog/39-lekarstva/","parent":null,"order":1,"empty":false},"40":{"id":40,"title":"Прочие 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